My Profound Holotropic Breathwork Experience & Insights

I’ve been interested in breathwork more recently than ever. I think a lot of us can relate to the pausing and slowing down from the hustle culture during COVID, which for some of us may have been the beginning of our self-care or wellness practices. I was first introduced to breathwork in the corporate environment, where I created and led the wellness initiative. One of the workshops involved a hosted virtual workshop led by a breathwork expert. It was more of an awareness workshop and included a few beginner exercises which was absolutely amazing.

From there, I explored different guided breathwork meditations on YouTube which I liked and still enjoy doing. I was first introduced to holotropic breathwork in a paid program by my mentor Alyssa Nobriga. My first 15 minute session was a 1:1, done with a partner both being the observer and the breather and the experience overall was pretty interesting. I went into it not expecting anything as it was pretty new to me and was so focused on the breathing aspect that it was difficult for me to get out of my own head. However, I definitely felt the tetany which is the tightness of the hands which is also known as the claw-like hand tightening. Being new to it I just understood it to be my reaction to the hyperventilation of the breath and didn’t put any more thought into it… until yesterday.

Yesterday, as part of a retreat, we did a guided holotropic breathing session but this time it was 30 minutes of breathing. I again of course choose the “go big or go home” breathing style which is the hyperventilating breathing exercise. I was so excited to actually experience something profound like all of the stories I’d heard of other people experiencing. So we begin and it started with the tingling sensations all over and the blood is flowing. I’m feeling really good, light and high vibe… it’s amazing. Then I hear the facilitator announce that we only have two songs left. I started to get anxious because nothing was really happening, so I ramp up my breathing pace and shortly after hands start cramping and eventually get so tight and stiff. It wasn’t only my hands but my entire forearms as well. Everything was completely cramped and tightened to my chest and I didn’t like the sensation. It wasn’t painful but I was so distracted by it that I started resisting the sensation entirely and began trying to move my arms and stretch them out but I couldn't and they kept cramping right back to my chest. Finally, I just stopped trying to resist and went from my mind to trying to drop into my body and really feel the sensations. Allowing them to be there and what they were. When I did this everything shifted.

Right before we began the breathing exercises we were reading a poem and the only line I remember or even heard was the ending and it was something along the lines of “I was waiting for me”. So that came straight to my mind after allowing and not resisting and then my mind just went into this calm beautiful enlightened voice saying:

I’ve been waiting for me! To see myself, to love myself, to think I’m beautiful, to take care of myself, to think I’m a good wife and mother and think I’m smart enough. To believe in myself,

to think I can finally start this business, to appreciate myself.

All the things I’d been upset about and wanting others to see and acknowledge in me. I blamed my parents for not seeing me and my husband for not appreciating me. It was so clear in this moment that I was the one that needed to see and believe in my own self. I had been longing to give this to myself the whole time without even knowing. I needed to love myself. When that truth was revealed, it clicked, and I was like ohhhh. It truly was so beautiful how it was revealed because it was calm and slow but so clear and understanding and not judgmental at all. Truly beautiful and once that realization happened, I just sat with so much love and gratitude that I was giving to myself. In that moment of awe and love and full acceptance, ironically, the tightness in my hands completely dissipated. It was such a profound experience.

After it was complete we gathered as a group and did some integrations where people shared their experiences. I have to admit hearing others’ experiences blew mine out of the water. I second guessed if my experience was my actual experience or if it was all in my head and I sort of dismissed mine entirely. In the middle of the night, after being woken up by my baby crying for me, at 2 am I couldn’t go back to sleep. Naturally my mind got to work and got busy. I thought about how good I'd been sleeping prior to being woken up and knew it was a result of the breathwork session. However, I was curious about the hand tightening and did some research because what else should I be doing now at 3 am?

Come to find out, it’s actually a term called tetany and some experts like to name it a badge of honor because it symbolizes a successful breathing session! There’s a science to it but put simply is a muscle cramp caused by the change in oxygen levels being inhaled. More specifically: During breathwork, deep and connected breathing causes the Co2 levels to drop. This results in less oxygen being released into the bloodstream, tissues, and vital organs; and causes the blood pH to become more alkaline. The combination of lower Co2 levels and a rise in blood pH levels is what leads to tetany.

Further research showed there's quite a bit of psycho- spiritual meaning to it which caught my attention. Tetany is believed by many to be symbolic of holding onto something and that something needs to be let go of. It’s seen as a gift and a message – your body is revealing something significant for you to inquire into. So if you’re ever in a breathwork session and tetany arises turn within and ask the question:

“What is it time for me to let go of?”

In my case, I was needing to let go of the narrative and the story that I’d been invisible by my family. That I needed everyone else to see me and appreciate me, when really I needed to stop being invisible to myself. It was such a gift to actually see myself fully, appreciate all that I am, have done, and believe in my abilities to achieve all that I desire. The saying your life is a mirror never quite made sense until this moment. In this moment, it means that Life is like a mirror reflecting your feelings, your actions and your thoughts. The idea is that everything you experience in life is a reflection of yourself. My mentor said your experience shows you what you need so be patient and accept whatever you're shown or not shown. Trust that it’s exactly what you need and whatever it is… is perfect!