I Didn’t Realize How Long I’d Been Surviving | Life In Survival Mode
- May 12
- 4 min read
There’s something strange that happens when you’ve been in survival mode for too long.
You stop noticing it.
The rushing.
The mental tabs constantly open.
The tension in your shoulders.
The exhaustion that follows you from room to room.
The overstimulation.
The constant feeling that there’s always something else you should be doing.
It quietly becomes your normal.
And somewhere along the way, you stop asking yourself whether you actually feel good inside your life.
That realization hit me on Mother’s Day.
Not in some dramatic life-changing movie moment.
But in one small, quiet moment that somehow felt much bigger than it actually was.
I got a massage.
That’s it.
And yet… it felt like my nervous system exhaled for the first time in a very long time.
I Didn’t Realize How Disconnected I Had Become
The thing is — I almost brushed the experience off as “just a massage.”
But afterward, I noticed something deeper happening.
I slept differently.
I woke up calmer.
My body felt softer.
My mind felt quieter.
I felt more present inside my own life.
And honestly?
That’s when I realized how long I had actually been surviving.
Not living.
Not experiencing.
Not fully feeling.
Just… functioning.
Getting through the days.
Managing responsibilities.
Taking care of everyone.
Trying to hold everything together.
And while I’m incredibly grateful for my life, I think somewhere along the way I stopped realizing that I deserved to actually experience it too.
Survival Mode Doesn’t Always Look Dramatic
I think a lot of women assume survival mode has to look extreme.
But sometimes it looks like:
constantly multitasking
never fully resting
always thinking about the next thing
scrolling endlessly because your brain is overstimulated
feeling mentally cluttered
struggling to focus
putting yourself last without even noticing
living inside unfinished projects and visual chaos
feeling disconnected from your own creativity
never allowing yourself to slow down long enough to actually feel your life
And if I’m honest, I think I had normalized that state for a very long time.
I didn’t realize how deeply depleted I was until I experienced even a small amount of softness again.
I’m Craving A Different Kind Of Life
Lately, I’ve realized I don’t want to rush through my life anymore.
I don’t want to constantly feel behind.
I don’t want to wait until everything is perfect to feel peace.
I don’t want my nervous system living in a permanent state of tension.
I want to experience my life while I’m living it.
The morning coffee.
The gloomy slow days.
The home projects.
The conversations.
The laughter with my daughters.
The process of becoming.
Not just race through it trying to get somewhere.
And honestly, this season has been teaching me that intentional living isn’t always about huge transformations.
Sometimes it starts with:
clearing a desk
lighting a candle
slowing down enough to notice yourself again
creating a peaceful corner in your home
saying no to constant urgency
allowing yourself to rest without guilt
making your environment support you instead of drain you
Little things.
But little things that quietly change the way your life feels.
The Way Your Environment Feels Matters
One thing I’ve been realizing lately is how deeply my environment affects me.
The clutter.
The unfinished piles.
The visual noise.
The chaos.
I used to minimize how much it affected my mental state.
But now I’m realizing that creating a home that feels peaceful isn’t superficial.
It’s supportive.
It changes the way you move through your day.
The way you think.
The way you create.
The way you rest.
The way you show up for yourself.
I’ve been slowly taking ownership of my spaces again.
Not perfectly.
Not all at once.
Just intentionally.
And honestly?
It feels like I’m slowly taking ownership of myself again too.
Maybe This Is Your Reminder Too
Maybe you don’t need to completely reinvent your life overnight.
Maybe you don’t need some dramatic breakthrough.
Maybe you just need a moment to finally notice how long you’ve been carrying tension you were never meant to hold forever.
Maybe you need softness.
Rest.
A reset.
Space to breathe.
Maybe you need permission to stop living like your worth is tied to how much you can carry or how much you can do.
Because you deserve to feel good inside your life too.
Not someday.
Now.
And maybe becoming the woman you want to be starts with learning how to reconnect with yourself again.
Little by little.
Not perfectly.
Just intentionally.
A Few Things Helping Me Create A Softer Life Lately
These are a few small things that have genuinely been helping me slow down, reconnect, and create a life that feels more peaceful to be inside of:
A cozy robe or oversized lounge set
Soft warm lighting (like candles or lamps) instead of harsh overhead lights
Journaling before bed + getting it all out of my mind
A quiet prayer for guidance, clarity, and strength — while remembering to stay grateful for all that I already have, and for the continued love and support surrounding my life.
Morning coffee without rushing
Calming candles, essential oils, and intentional fragrances that help create different moods and feelings throughout each space in my home.
A workspace that feels peaceful instead of chaotic
Quiet moments without constantly consuming content
Creating beauty inside ordinary moments
Sometimes healing starts in smaller ways than we expect.
And lately, I’m learning that softness isn’t weakness.
It’s restoration.
If this resonated with you, I created a gentle email experience for the woman craving a softer, more intentional life — beginning with the way she feels inside her home, her routines, and herself.
➡For The Woman Becoming
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